Aftermirth

I have no idea!

I’ve never been a good listener.

I’m reminded of  this not only when my husband sighs and abandons his conversation with me when it becomes apparent I’d rather check my twitter feed than listen to the words coming out of his mouth.  But also when I notice other parents talking about their precious babies’ first words.  They seem to know exactly which word was the first uttered by their darling offspring.

I have no idea what Ruby’s first word is.  I don’t even know if she’s said a real word yet.

She’s said mamamama and dadadada for a long time, but apparently that’s just noise-making that parents misinterpret as “Mom” and “Dad” (we’re so self-centred!).  Sometimes I think her first word might’ve been “kitty”.  A few weeks ago she ran around yelling “COCK COCK COCK”.  Was that her first word? Gosh I hope not.

I may be an appalling listener, but it isn’t so easy to tell what’s a word and what’s not a word.  I thought it would be obvious.  I expected her to wake up one day, look straight into my eyes and say something totally intelligible.  Like “Greetings mother”.

Her latest “words” include what sounds like “I die I die” when she’s tired or upset and “Happy happy” when she’s in a good mood.  I have no idea if that’s what she’s really saying, so for now I’ll assume it is.

I know you’re supposed to think of your child as their own, independent person with a unique personality blahblahblah.  But honestly I spend most of my time filtering my child’s physical features, personality and actions into two categories:  That’s sooo ME and That’s sooo MY HUSBAND.

Babies are the ultimate remix.

In case you’re wondering, here’s the breakdown so far:

Hair – me

Eyes – him (by way of his mother)

Nose – me

Mouth – me

Scowl – me (by way of my mother)

Chin – him (by way of his father)

Ears – one of each (I’m serious)

Hands and feet – him

Gut – me

Smile – me

Curiosity – him

Laid-backness – him

Ambition – me

Insomnia – him

Addiction to technology – me

Appetite – me

Sense of adventure – him

Weirdness – both

Love of the sea – him

Impatience – me

Stubbornness – all me

The other day a woman in a cafe told me Ruby was gorgeous.  ”Oh thank you!” I responded.  Then she said, “She has the most gorgeous eyes!”.  I sighed, “You can thank her father for those.”

My Her scowl

Techno-Ruby

I feel like such a terrible mother for not posting more often.

But really, if you think about it, I’m an amazing mother for being so committed to my baby that I don’t even take a few minutes away from her to write a blogpost. See what I just did there?

Ruby turned 11/12ths of 1 year yesterday. Time sure flies when you’re sleep deprived having fun.  She’s a bundle of energy, regardless of whether it’s day or night.  I’m glad I’m not holding my breath until she sleeps through the night.  I’d have been dead ages ago.

Here is Ruby’s 11 month photo.  As you can see she has a glowing personality:

Granted, the photo was taken in the evening, Ruby’s least favourite time of day (a trait she inherited from me, no doubt).

We don’t have any big plans for her 1st birthday.  Lucky for us, she’s still too oblivious to care.  I’m taking advantage of that for as long as possible!  Besides, I think 1st birthdays should be less of a celebration for the baby and more of a giant sigh of relief for the parents.  ”We did it!  We kept her alive! For an entire year!”  (Just so you don’t think I’m some kind of cruel, uncaring mother, we are celebrating Ruby’s birthday as part of our antenatal classes group birthday party.)

It sure has been a while since my last post. I like to think the reason has something to do with Ruby, but the truth is I’m lazy. And Ruby’s changing so much all the time that sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with things to write that I get blogpost-paralysis ™. If I updated this blog everytime Ruby updated, I’d probably be too busy writing to actually raise my child.

I am however happy to report that even if I don’t write about Ruby, she does continue to exist. And apparently if you feed them regularly, they grow!!

I guess the big news is that I’m going back to work soon. I’m not entirely devastated to be leaving her to return to the workforce because it’s only part-time, and she’ll be in very capable hands (we’ll see…dad!). I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to have some one-on-one time with her father. It’ll make it a lot easier for her to wrap him around her little finger without me in the way.

For those of you wondering what Ruby looks like when she naps, here ya go:

This week has been full of good Ruby moments and umm.. not so good Ruby moments.

Highlights

Ruby “Mashed potato” Hughes expressed her pleasure (or displeasure, depending on how you interpret the screams) for mashed potatoes. (Warning: Ruby is LOUD, so adjust your volume accordingly):

The weather was terrible on Sunday, so we cuddled up in the bed and tried to keep Ruby entertained. Apparently this involved Chris jumping up and down on the bed yelling “Peepo! Peepo!”. Evidence here:

Lowpoints

Ruby is teething.

We all got colds.

And this morning I had quite a shituation on my hands. Ruby’s never been much of a poo-out-her-pants-and-down-her-leg-then-wipe-her-hands-in-it-then-accidentally-wipe-your-own-hands-in-it-then-have-to-undress-her-in-the-bathtub-then-hold-her-disgusting-naked-poo-covered-body-under-the-warm-shower-to-get-it-all-off kind of girl.

Now she is. There is no video for this, for VERY good reason.

Yesterday was Ruby’s half-birthday. Happy .5 Ruby!!!

Time plays funny tricks on new parents. I can’t remember what life was like before Ruby came along, and I also can’t believe how quickly the past six months have flown by. It doesn’t make sense.

You can see month-by-month comparison pics of the Rubester in the Growing Ruby photo set on Flickr. I’m happy to report she looks A LOT happier in her six month photo than she did in her one month photo (boy, she did NOT look impressed!):

“Mom, I am not a performing monkey”

“Mom, I am a performing monkey”

Like sands through a fire hose, so are the days of our lives.

I just installed a gate at the top of our stairs (of impending doom) to prevent Lil Ruby from taking a nasty tumble. Unfortunately she does not yet have a stunt double. So until she does, it looks like I’m going to have to baby-proof the house.

You may be wondering why I would need to begin baby-proofing. Well because Ruby is crawling. CRAWLING. (Yes, crawling). Crawl-ing! I had secretly hoped she would be one of those babies that didn’t crawl or talk or walk or roll over until well after her 2nd birthday.

It would appear that she has inherited my husband’s curiosity and my extreme motivation. This is a lethal combination for a mobile 6 month old. She wants to grab/scratch/lick/bite/climb everything she sees. She looks in the face of danger and laughs maniacally. I’m terrified.

She’s already trying to pull herself up on to the couch and on top of the coffee table. She almost stabbed me in the neck with a butter knife she swiftly grabbed from my dinner plate.

Needless to say I’m keeping a close eye on her these days. And dreading the day she figures out how to walk.

Be afraid, be very afraid:

On Monday, Ruby began rolling onto her side. She picked up her legs and screwed them left and right until at last, she was on her side admiring her favourite toy, Turts the Turtle.

Friday morning I set her on her back on the floor and suddenly, BAM, she was on her tummy. I couldn’t believe it. I roller her back over thinking it might’ve been a fluke and again BAM, she flipped over. I was overcome with excitement. She did it! She’s normal! She’s can roll over! GO RUBY GO!

Unfortunately for us all, nature is a cruel prankster. The skill required to return from her tummy to her back isn’t developed in tandem with the back to tummy skill. It comes about a month later. Great.

I’ve spent the last 24 hours watching Ruby roll onto her tummy only to realise she’s stuck, then SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF UNTIL I RESCUE HER.

Of all the baby junk on offer these days, you’d think someone would’ve invented a baby turner-over machine. I’d pay top dollar.

It’s Ruby’s first Christmas, so we dressed her appropriately (sorta). She was pretty cranky all day, but like I was going to let that stop me from snapping some pics. Harden up Ruby.

It’s almost as if she knows I’m laughing at her expense. She’s very perceptive. Things got a little better as the photoshoot continued:

At least she’s not crying. And finally, let me hear the giant collective AWWWW: